Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A retelling of a very familiar story

On the first day, God created the Greyhound.
On the second day, God created man to serve the Greyhound.
On the third day, God created all the little furry animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the Greyhound.
On the fourth day, God created the tennis ball so that the Greyhound could retrieve it (or not).
On the fifth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Greyhound healthy and the man broke.
On the sixth day God created the couch/and or doggie bed (depending on which translation you believe) on which the greyhound could recline
On the seventh day God rested, but Adam and Eve had to walk the greyhound.

Then Adam & Eve, were banished from the garden, no longer dwelleth therein to serve the Greyhound, and the garden of Eden was soon full of poop and craters that the greyhound had dug. So it came to pass that God had to clean the mess up Himself. And God was displeased.

When it so happened that, Moses asked that the Israelites might be released from their bondage in Egypt and journey to the Promised Land. God sayeth unto Moses, "The Promised Land shall be yours, but you must take the Greyhound with you.

And so it came to pass that the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the wilderness, waiting for the Greyhound to go potty, mark every bush and sniff every blade of grass in its domain.

And the Greyhound was fruitful and multiplied.

The people were taken by the comliness and manner of the Greyhound, but they were sorely distressed. "Lord" they cried out, "The Greyhound is an attractive and sweet creature, but there are so many, what shall we do?"

And God sayeth unto the people, "Ye are a cursed people and shall be known as adopters! Thy yards shall be barren of grass. Thy dwellings shall overflow with dog beds, squeaky toys and Greyhound kitsch. Thy carpets shall be forever stained. Thy vet bills shalt be large and thy lives forever ordered around by the Greyhound. And thy minds shall be muddled, as thou shalt treat thy Greyhounds as thy do your human offspring."

And Adopters begat Fosters. And Fosters begat Adoption Groups. And Adoption Groups begat Bloggers. And Bloggers begat Discussion Groups. And Discussion Groups begat Gatherings. And Gatherings begat Vendors. And Vendors begat a wardrobe for the Greyhound. And the Greyhound was spoiled.

God looked down on this and was pleased.

Based loosely on a version by
(Brett Weeks.)


Stephen said...

That's hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

Debbie (Emma's mom) said...

Very creative! ;-)